Oral sex

Oral sex means using your mouth, lips, or tongue on someone's genitals for sexual pleasure. When it's done on a vulva, it's called cunnilingus. When it's done on a penis, it's called fellatio (or more commonly, a blow job). It's one of the most common types of sexual activity, and yes — it counts as sex.

• Oral sex involves using the mouth on someone's genitals.
• Cunnilingus = oral sex on a vulva. Fellatio = oral sex on a penis.
• STIs can be passed through oral sex — the risk is lower than with penetrative sex, but it's not zero.
• Condoms (for a penis) and dental dams (for a vulva) reduce the risk.
• Like all sexual activity, it requires consent and is covered by the age of consent (16 in the UK).

The two types

Fellatio (oral sex on a penis) — using the mouth, lips, and tongue on the head and shaft of the penis. Often called a blow job or giving head. The person giving it controls the pace and depth. If the person with the penis ejaculates, the person giving can choose to spit, swallow, or have their partner finish elsewhere — all are fine.

Cunnilingus (oral sex on a vulva) — using the mouth, lips, and tongue on the vulva, usually focusing on the clitoris and surrounding area. Often called going down on someone. Since most people with a vulva orgasm from clitoral stimulation, cunnilingus is often more likely to lead to orgasm than penetrative sex.

Oral sex can also be performed on the anus — this is called rimming or anilingus. It carries its own STI risks and isn't covered in detail here, but it's a real thing people do.

STI risk

Oral sex is lower risk than penetrative sex for most STIs, but it's not risk-free. Infections that can be passed through oral sex include:

• Gonorrhoea — throat gonorrhoea is common and almost always asymptomatic
• Herpes — cold sores (HSV-1) can be transferred to the genitals through oral sex, causing genital herpes
• Syphilis — can be passed through contact with a sore
• HPV — linked to throat cancers as well as genital ones
• HIV — possible through oral sex, but the risk is very low compared to other routes

Using a condom during fellatio or a dental dam during cunnilingus reduces these risks. In practice, many people don't use barriers for oral sex — but it's worth knowing the option exists, especially with new or casual partners.

The double standard

There's often an unequal expectation around oral sex — particularly the idea that blow jobs are standard or expected, while cunnilingus is treated as optional, gross, or a favour. This double standard is unfair and rooted in the same thinking that centres male pleasure in sex. Both types of oral sex are equally valid, and neither should be expected or demanded.

If you enjoy giving or receiving oral sex, that's great. If you don't, that's equally fine. Nobody owes anyone any particular sexual act.

Things people get wrong

"Oral sex isn't really sex." It involves sexual contact, it carries STI risk, and it's covered by the age of consent. Calling it "not real sex" downplays its significance and can lead people to think consent and protection don't apply. They do.

"You can't catch anything from oral sex." You can. Throat gonorrhoea is one of the most commonly missed STIs because people don't think to get their throat tested.

"Everyone likes it." Some people enjoy giving oral sex, some enjoy receiving it, some enjoy both, and some don't enjoy either. All of these are valid preferences.

Things people ask about oral sex

Can you get pregnant from oral sex?

No. Pregnancy requires sperm to reach an egg in the uterus, which can't happen through the mouth.

What if I don't want to do it?

Then don't. You never owe anyone oral sex — in a relationship or outside one. If someone pressures you, that's a problem with their behaviour, not with yours.

Should I get my throat tested for STIs?

If you've given oral sex to a penis, it's worth asking for a throat swab when you get tested. Standard STI tests don't always include one, so you may need to request it.

Is it normal to not enjoy receiving oral sex?

Yes. Not everyone finds it pleasurable — some people feel self-conscious, some find the sensation too intense, and some just prefer other things. There's no "should" when it comes to what you enjoy.

Where to get help

• Sexual health clinics (GUM clinics) — STI testing (including throat swabs if you ask), free and confidential.
• Brook — sexual health advice and services for under-25s.

Oral sex means using your mouth on someone's private parts for sexual pleasure. When it's done on a girl's or woman's private parts, it's called cunnilingus (or "going down on someone"). When it's done on a penis, it's called fellatio (or a "blow job").

It's a very common type of sexual activity. It does count as sex, even though some people say it doesn't. The law treats it as a sexual act, which means both people need to agree to it, and the age of consent (16 in the UK) applies.

Infections that are passed on through sex can also be passed on through oral sex. The risk is lower than with other types of sex, but it's not zero. Using a condom on a penis or a thin sheet called a dental dam on private parts can help lower the risk.

There's sometimes an unfair expectation that oral sex on a boy or man is normal and expected, while oral sex on a girl or woman is optional. That double standard isn't fair. Both types are equally valid.

Nobody owes anyone oral sex. If you want to do it, that's fine. If you don't, that's also fine. Nobody should ever pressure you into it.