Domestic abuse

Domestic abuse is a pattern of controlling, threatening, or violent behaviour by someone in a close relationship — usually a partner or family member. It can be physical (hitting, pushing), emotional (insults, put-downs, gaslighting), sexual (forcing or pressuring someone into sex), or financial (controlling someone's money). It's never the fault of the person being abused.

• Domestic abuse includes physical, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse, as well as coercive control.
• It can happen in any relationship — straight, gay, young, old, any background.
• It's not just about hitting. Most domestic abuse is non-physical.
• In UK law, it's recognised as a crime, including when the abuse is emotional or controlling.
• If it's happening to you or someone you know, help is available and it's always okay to reach out.

What it includes

"Domestic abuse" is a broad term. It covers:

• Physical abuse — hitting, slapping, pushing, kicking, choking, throwing things.
• Emotional and psychological abuse — constant criticism, humiliation, threats, gaslighting (making you doubt your own reality), isolation from friends and family.
• Sexual abuse — any sexual activity that isn't fully consented to, including within a relationship. Being someone's partner doesn't mean they're entitled to sex.
• Financial abuse — controlling someone's money, preventing them from working, making them account for every penny they spend.
• Coercive control — an ongoing pattern of domination through intimidation, isolation, and monitoring. This is a specific criminal offence in the UK.

These types often overlap. Someone experiencing domestic abuse might face several of them at once, and the pattern usually escalates over time.

It happens to young people too

Domestic abuse isn't just something that happens between adults. It can happen in teenage relationships — and because it might be your first relationship, it can be harder to spot. When you don't have much to compare it to, controlling behaviour can feel like intense love.

It can also affect you if you're living in a home where domestic abuse is happening between family members. Witnessing abuse has a real impact, and the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 recognises children who witness domestic abuse as victims in their own right.

The law

The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 gives a broad legal definition of domestic abuse in England and Wales, covering physical, emotional, coercive, economic, and sexual abuse between people aged 16 and over who are personally connected (partners, ex-partners, family members). [CHECK: equivalent legislation in Scotland and NI]

Coercive control is a specific offence under the Serious Crime Act 2015. Physical and sexual violence are covered by existing criminal law. In short: domestic abuse in all its forms is taken seriously by the law.

Things people get wrong

"It's only domestic abuse if someone gets hit." The majority of domestic abuse is non-physical. Emotional abuse, coercive control, and financial abuse can be just as damaging — and they're also illegal.

"It only happens in certain types of families." Domestic abuse happens across all backgrounds, income levels, ethnicities, and relationship types. There's no "type" of person it happens to.

"If someone stays, it can't be that bad." Leaving an abusive relationship is extremely complicated. Fear, financial dependence, manipulation, love, children, and lack of somewhere safe to go are all reasons people stay. Staying doesn't mean the abuse isn't serious.

"It can't happen in same-sex relationships." It absolutely can, and does. LGBTQ+ people experiencing domestic abuse sometimes face additional barriers, like the fear of being outed.

Things people ask about domestic abuse

What if it's happening at home but not to me directly?

If you're witnessing domestic abuse between family members, you're affected too. The law recognises this. You deserve support, and organisations like Childline and the National Domestic Abuse Helpline can help — including just talking things through.

What if I'm not sure if it counts as abuse?

If someone's behaviour makes you feel scared, controlled, or like you're walking on eggshells, it's worth taking seriously — whether or not it has a formal label. You can talk to a helpline without committing to anything; they'll help you figure it out.

Can I report it without things blowing up?

You can call helplines confidentially to talk about your situation before deciding what to do. If you do want to involve the police, they have specialist domestic abuse officers. But you're in control of what steps you take.

What if I think my friend is being abused?

Be there for them. Let them know you've noticed something and that you're worried. Don't give ultimatums or try to force them to leave — that rarely works. Suggest helplines they can contact when they're ready.

Where to get help

• National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) — free, 24-hour helpline run by Refuge. Confidential advice and support.
• Childline (0800 1111) — free, confidential support for under-19s, including if you're witnessing or experiencing abuse at home.
• Galop — specialist support for LGBTQ+ people experiencing domestic abuse.
• Women's Aid — information, support, and the Survivors' Forum for anyone affected by domestic abuse.
• The police (999 in emergency) — domestic abuse is a crime. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999.

Domestic abuse is when someone in a close relationship — like a partner or family member — keeps hurting, scaring, or controlling another person. It's a pattern, not just one argument.

It can mean physical things like hitting or pushing. But it can also be non-physical, like constant insults, making someone feel worthless, controlling who they see or what they do, checking their phone all the time, or controlling their money. It can also mean forcing or pressuring someone into sex.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone. It happens in all kinds of families and all kinds of relationships. It can happen to teenagers too, not just adults.

If you live in a home where abuse is happening between other people, that affects you too. The law recognises that.

It's not always easy to spot, especially if it's your first relationship. Sometimes controlling behaviour can feel like someone caring about you a lot. But if someone makes you feel scared, small, or trapped, that's not love.

Domestic abuse is against the law in the UK. You don't have to be hit for it to count. Emotional abuse and controlling behaviour are crimes too.

If this is happening to you or someone you know, help is available. You can call a helpline just to talk — you don't have to do anything else until you're ready.