Abstinence

Abstinence means choosing not to have sex. What exactly counts as "abstinence" depends on the person — for some it means no sexual activity at all, for others it means no penetrative sex but other things are fine.

• It's the only method that's 100% effective at preventing pregnancy and STIs.
• There's no one definition — you decide what it means for you.
• You can choose it now and change your mind later. It's not a permanent thing.
• You never owe anyone an explanation for not wanting to have sex.

Why people choose it

People choose abstinence for all sorts of reasons. Religion, culture, not feeling ready, not being interested, waiting for the right person — or just not wanting to. All of those are fine. You don't actually need a reason at all. "I don't want to" is enough.

It's also not something you choose once and are stuck with forever. You might be abstinent right now and feel differently in a year. Or you might have had sex before and decide to stop for a while. It works however you need it to.

What it doesn't mean

There's this idea that abstinence is just a religious thing, or that it's old-fashioned. It's not. People from every kind of background choose not to have sex at different points in their lives.

There's also a myth that if you're not having sex, something must be wrong with you or you're missing out. That's not true. Loads of young people aren't having sex — even if social media or conversations at school make it seem like everyone is.

The legal bit

In the UK, the age of consent is 16. But even if you're over 16, choosing not to have sex is always fine. If anyone pressures you into doing something sexual you don't want, that's not okay — and it's never your fault.

Things people ask about abstinence

Can I be in a relationship and not have sex?

Yes. Being with someone doesn't mean you owe them sex. A good partner respects what you're comfortable with. If they don't, that says more about them than it does about you.

If I do stuff but not actual penetrative sex, is that still abstinence?

Depends what it means to you. Some people say yes, some say no. Just know that some STIs can still be passed through oral sex and skin-to-skin contact, so it's worth being clued up either way.

What if people give me a hard time about it?

Your body, your call. People who pressure you or make fun of your choices aren't worth your energy.

Abstinence means choosing not to have sex. What counts as abstinence is up to you. Some people mean no sexual activity at all. Others mean no sex where a body part goes inside someone else, but other things are fine.

People choose not to have sex for lots of reasons. It might be because of their religion, because they do not feel ready, or just because they do not want to. You do not need a reason. "I don't want to" is enough.

It is not something you are stuck with forever. You might choose not to have sex now and feel differently later. Or you might have had sex before and decide to stop for a while.

Some people think only religious people choose this, or that not having sex means something is wrong with you. That is not true. Lots of young people are not having sex, even if it seems like everyone else is.

You can be in a relationship and not have sex. A good partner will respect what you are comfortable with. If someone pressures you or makes fun of your choice, that says more about them than about you.