Gay

Gay means being attracted to people of the same gender. It's most commonly used to describe men who are attracted to men, but women and non-binary people use it too — some women prefer "gay" over "lesbian," and that's their choice. It's a sexual orientation, the same way being straight is.

• Gay means attracted to the same gender. Most often used for men attracted to men.
• It's a normal, natural sexual orientation — not a choice, a phase, or something that needs to be "fixed."
• The word "homosexual" means the same thing but sounds clinical. Most people prefer "gay."
• Being gay is fully legal and protected by law in the UK. Same-sex marriage has been legal since 2014.
• "Gay" is also sometimes used as an umbrella term for anyone who isn't straight, though not everyone uses it that way.

What it means

Being gay is about who you're attracted to — romantically, sexually, or both. A gay man is attracted to other men. A gay woman is attracted to other women (some prefer the word lesbian, some prefer gay, some use both). It's one of several sexual orientations, alongside straight, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, and others.

Sexual orientation isn't a choice. You don't decide to be gay any more than someone decides to be straight. Research consistently shows that sexuality is a natural variation in how humans are — it's not caused by parenting, experiences, or anything someone "did wrong."

The word itself

"Gay" hasn't always meant what it means now — it originally just meant happy or carefree. Its use as a term for same-sex attraction became common in the 20th century. You might also hear the word "homosexual," which has the same meaning, but most people prefer "gay" because "homosexual" sounds medical and has associations with a time when same-sex attraction was treated as a disorder (it isn't one).

You'll also hear "gay" used as an insult in some schools — like "that's so gay" to mean something is bad or uncool. This is homophobic, even when the person saying it doesn't mean it to be. Using someone's identity as an insult is harmful, and most schools have policies against it.

The law in the UK

Being gay is fully legal in the UK. Same-sex sexual activity was decriminalised in England and Wales in 1967, in Scotland in 1980, and in Northern Ireland in 1982. Same-sex marriage has been legal since 2014 in England, Wales, and Scotland, and since 2020 in Northern Ireland.

The Equality Act 2010 protects people from discrimination based on sexual orientation. This means it's illegal to treat someone unfairly at school, work, or in services because they're gay.

Things people get wrong

"Being gay is a choice." It's not. Sexual orientation isn't something you choose or can be talked into. It's part of who you are.

"You can tell if someone is gay by how they act." You can't. Gay people are as varied as anyone else. Stereotypes about how gay people look, sound, or behave are just that — stereotypes.

"Gay people can't have families." They can and do. Gay couples have children through adoption, fostering, surrogacy, and other routes. Same-sex couples have the same legal rights as other parents in the UK.

Things people ask about being gay

How do I know if I'm gay?

If you find yourself consistently attracted to people of the same gender — whether that's crushes, romantic feelings, sexual attraction, or all of them — you might be. There's no test and no deadline for figuring it out. Some people know early, others take longer. Both are fine.

What if I think I might be gay but I'm not sure?

That's okay. Questioning is normal. You might be gay, you might be bi, you might be straight and just curious. You don't have to label yourself until — or unless — you want to.

Do I have to come out?

No. Coming out is a personal decision and there's no obligation. Some people come out to everyone, some to a few trusted people, some not at all. Do it if and when it feels right for you, and make sure you're in a safe situation.

What if my family or friends don't accept it?

That can be really painful. If people in your life react badly, know that their reaction is about them, not about you. There are organisations that can support you through this.

Where to get help

• Switchboard (0800 0119 100) — the LGBTQ+ helpline. Open for anyone who wants to talk about sexuality or gender.
• Stonewall — information, support, and resources for LGBTQ+ people and their families.
• Childline (0800 1111) — confidential support for under-19s, including about sexuality and coming out.

Gay means being attracted to people who are the same gender as you. Most often it describes boys or men who fancy other boys or men. Girls and women can use the word too, though some prefer the word lesbian.

Being gay is not a choice. You don't decide who you're attracted to, just like straight people don't choose to be straight. It's just part of who you are.

Being gay is completely legal in the UK. People of the same gender can get married. The law says it's illegal to treat someone unfairly because of who they're attracted to.

You can't tell if someone is gay by looking at them or how they act. Gay people are just as different from each other as anyone else.

If you think you might be gay, that's okay. Some people know early on. Others take longer to figure it out. You don't have to put a label on yourself until you're ready. And you don't have to tell anyone until you want to.

If people around you don't accept it, that's about them, not about you. There are helplines and organisations that can support you.