Asexual

Asexual (often shortened to "ace") means experiencing little or no sexual attraction to other people. It's a sexual orientation — like being gay or straight — not a choice or a phase. Asexual people can still have romantic feelings, relationships, and close connections.

• Asexuality is a sexual orientation, not a lifestyle choice.
• It's different from abstinence — abstinence is choosing not to have sex, asexuality is about not experiencing sexual attraction.
• Some ace people still have romantic relationships and feel romantic attraction.
• Asexuality is a spectrum — people experience it differently.
• There's nothing wrong with being asexual. It doesn't need to be fixed.

What sexual attraction actually means

To understand asexuality, it helps to know what "sexual attraction" means. It's that feeling of being drawn to someone in a specifically sexual way — wanting to be physically intimate with them. Most people experience it to some degree, but asexual people experience little or none of it.

This is different from thinking someone looks good (aesthetic attraction), wanting to be emotionally close to someone (romantic attraction), or enjoying physical affection like hugging (sensual attraction). An ace person might experience any of those — they just don't feel the sexual pull.

Asexuality is a spectrum

Not all ace people experience it the same way. Some feel zero sexual attraction ever. Some feel it rarely or only under specific circumstances. Terms like "demisexual" (only feeling sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond) and "grey-asexual" (somewhere between asexual and not) sit on this spectrum too.

Some asexual people have sex — maybe because a partner wants to, or because they enjoy the physical feeling even without the attraction. Others have no interest at all. Both are valid. Being ace doesn't come with a rulebook.

What it's not

"You just haven't met the right person yet." This is one of the most frustrating things ace people hear. Asexuality isn't about waiting for someone to come along and "fix" it. It's a genuine orientation.

"You must have been through something traumatic." Some people who've experienced trauma do see changes in how they feel about sex, but asexuality isn't caused by trauma. Plenty of ace people have had perfectly ordinary lives — they just don't experience sexual attraction.

"It's the same as being celibate." Celibacy is a choice to not have sex. Asexuality is about not feeling sexual attraction. An ace person who has sex is still ace. A non-ace person who chooses not to have sex isn't asexual.

Relationships and being ace

Lots of asexual people have happy, loving relationships. Some are romantic (an ace person might be heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, etc.). Some are queerplatonic — deep, committed partnerships that don't fit the usual "friendship" or "romance" boxes.

Being in a relationship with someone who does experience sexual attraction can take communication, like any relationship does. But the idea that ace people are destined to be alone is nonsense.

Things people ask about asexuality

How do I know if I'm asexual?

If you've never really felt sexually attracted to anyone — or only rarely — you might be. There's no test. Some people know early on, others figure it out later. You don't have to label yourself if you don't want to.

Can you be asexual and still fancy people?

Yes. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are different things. Plenty of ace people have crushes and fall in love — they just don't feel the sexual bit.

Am I asexual or just not ready?

Only you can figure that out, and there's no rush. If "not interested" feels more accurate than "not yet," that might tell you something. But your feelings might also change over time, and that's fine too.

Asexual, often shortened to "ace," means feeling little or no desire to have sex with other people. It is not the same as choosing not to have sex. It is about not feeling that pull towards others in a sexual way.

It is a real part of who someone is, like being straight or gay. There is nothing wrong with it and it does not need to be fixed. Saying "you just haven't met the right person" is one of the most unhelpful things ace people hear.

Being asexual does not mean you cannot have crushes or fall in love. Many ace people have happy, loving relationships. Wanting to be close to someone and wanting to have sex with them are two different feelings. Ace people can have one without the other.

Not all ace people feel the same way. Some never feel any sexual desire at all. Some feel it rarely or only after getting to know someone really well. Some ace people do have sex, for different reasons. Others have no interest. Both are fine.

If you have never really felt sexually attracted to anyone, you might be ace. There is no test. Some people figure it out early, others later. You do not have to use any label if you do not want to.